If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We need a shit load of segways right now
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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