i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
porn star boner night. come get it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
