my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
