T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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