new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She needs sedatives and a leash
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
