So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
