worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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