I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
