just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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