Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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