I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
