apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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