I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
