I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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