You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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