Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
