Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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