And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
