Girls should come with a carfax report
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
