I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm like, not good at living.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize