if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
