Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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