if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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