And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
