I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
