Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
