With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
