If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
