Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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