I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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