hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
