we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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