your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
