Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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