Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize