The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just had sex bonerless
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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