So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just blew my weed a kiss
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think people are normalizing furries
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize