I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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