My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize