Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
