Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In other news, I just burned my penis
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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