I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
