i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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