I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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