He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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