Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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