She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
