Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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