btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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