I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
