I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
