I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
