oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
