I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize