The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
