Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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