the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
