i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
