If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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