my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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