she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
