i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
