turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
