i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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