I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
