I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Welp...herpes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
