New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
