I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
