I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
