Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
