I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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